By Oliver Pritchett
Frubbly jubbly, it's time for a twxt
It was reported this week that some people who believe in free love and multiple relationships have been developing new words to describe their emotions and actions. Dr Meg Barker told the annual conference of the British Psychological Society in Manchester that members of the group practise "polyamory" and that feeling "frubbly" means feeling friendly towards a loving partner and that partner's other lover - or "metamour", as they call them. And a "wibble" is a sort of low-key jealousy.
For any readers thinking of taking up this free-love lark, I have a useful word list:
Lexicoria Uncertain feeling you get when you burst into a room and discover your loving partner going through a dictionary with the man who came in to bleed the radiators. This is a sensation verging on a wibble, especially if you find there is no improvement in the radiators.
Platolexic A person you like to browse in a dictionary with, on a strictly no-strings basis, never going further than the letter K.
Synonymia Lending your partner's copy of Roget's Thesaurus to your other lover without being frank and open about it and telling them.
Birgsowot The totally relaxed attitude you have to the fact that your metamour has started a loving relationship with the Icelandic au pair of the monogamous couple who live next door. Trying to lure away your metamour's au pair is quite another matter.
ANX The letters on the licence plate of the car of your partner's second lover before last. From this we get "anxiety" - the odd feeling that this car has been seen parked outside your house rather too often lately.
Angies Groups of broad-minded friends of both sexes who meet on a regular basis in each other's houses to do anagrams together, without any guilt or remorse afterwards.
Pingstounding The sense of betrayal you feel when spending a romantic afternoon with your metamour watching television and you see the word "flosmus" come up on Call My Bluff, correctly defined by a panellist as a tendency in horses to wobble their lips noisily. You experience pingstounding because your loving partner had sworn to you that "flosmus" was the warm glow he/she felt when he/she happened to catch sight of your toothbrush.
Vordersneaky The suspicious feeling you get, in the middle of watching Call My Bluff with your metamour, that your loving partner is actually watching Countdown with your best friend.
Oddly enough, you don't feel entirely frubbly about this.
Zanussle An unfortunate misunderstanding caused by the random combination of magnetic letters on the fridge door of your second partner's stand-in lover. It can also mean the row that occurs when your lover discovers you have been unfaithful to the washing machine behind its back by laundering some of your garments in the appliance of another.
Cluesome A couple in an open relationship who began their affair when doing the crossword together. Many people believe the compilers of the Telegraph crossword may have multiple partners because the more obscure answers often turn out to be words used by people who are practising polyamory. For example, the answer to seven down, a couple of weeks ago, was "Misyale", which, of course, means to give the wrong front-door key to the wrong lover and thus to complicate a number of relationships.
Espacement The decision to buy a bigger car so you can take all your lovers on outings together. As you drive, your lovers are relaxed about who sits in the front passenger seat. Map-reading also occurs without recriminations.
Triplexious The various lovers travelling in your larger vehicle together get on with each other well. They take it in turns to make the electric windows go up and down - they are triplexious.
Withmglee This is what appears to be the signature scrawled on a mystery Christmas card your loving partner received three years ago. As time has passed, withmglee has come to mean a metamour about whom one of the partners in an open relationship has been less than open. So, someone might say: "George has got the wibbles. He thinks I've got a withmglee." Or: "I've told her I'm going to the British Psychological Society annual conference in Manchester, but I've actually got a date with an old withmglee of mine."
Twxt A furtive text message from a withmglee.