Another shite thing that happened last Wednesday was that in the morning I had an appointment to see a consultant at the local hospital about my ear (finally). But when I walked in there were over 100 people waiting (yes - to see this one person). I asked the nurse at the ENT reception:"Is is always like this?", and received a sheepish smile and a "well...yes" in reply.
Fuck this, I thought. I'll head down to the medicentre in Waterloo and ask for advice.
So the doctor there referred me to this private consultant who turns out to be an otological/neurological expert. My plan was to get him to tell me what needed doing, and then get it done on the NHS.
So this guy does a couple of tests (including a staggeringly simple one with a tuning fork which, nevertheless, was a new one on me).
He basically says that I have extrememly narrow ear canals, he can't quite see what's going on because there's a lot of wax there, so we'll have to clear that up a bit and then he'll want to see me again, there is nothing wrong with my inner ear function, both ears will probably need two operations but that they are so expensive particularly if you're self-funding so why not come and see me in my clinic at the Royal National ENT hospital where I can take you as an NHS patient? We'll work on your worse hearing ear first. This is going to take a couple of years' hard work to get your hearing as good as it can possibly be, and we don't want to be cutting corners.
So I went to John Bell & Croyden to cash in my prescription and had a poke about while I was there. I was most perturbed to discover that a pinwheel is a piece of neurological equipment. I am now having day-nightmares about rabid tops wanting dodgy trepanning scenes.
Then I went grocery shopping in Selfridges, and bought the single most expensive item of fruit I have ever seen. It was a pink spiky fruit called a Red Dragon fruit, with a basic sort of ovoid shape, roughly the size of a small mango. It cost �4.65.
I haven't eaten it yet - I was going to have it for breakfast but I slept in. It damn well better not have rotted in the heat by the time I get home.