I'm going back tonight to turn the tables. I shall be doing my utmost, but, as they say - there's a first time for everything, and any ready advice on how not to kill people would be gratefully received.
Oh! And excitement abounds! Mr. Unpronounceable's pet Giant African Land Snails seem to have had some babies! He hadn't noticed the eggs due to the high ratio of bits of polystyrene to earth in the snail compost he was using. He's also not entirely sure if they are the Land Snails rather than common garden snails, but expects to find out in a year or so once they have got big enough to make out their proper shape.
So, good news all round, really. I have no angst today.