Anne (ajva) wrote,

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Am feeling a bit deaf due to my head being blocked up, but it's probably just hayfever. It just brings back my only real niggly worry in life, which is about my hearing.

I'm generally quite an upbeat happy-go-lucky person, but the ear thing is a real pain in the arse. After years and years of infections and passing bouts of deafness, and one perforated ear drum (that was bad - it perforated itself from the inside where there was a build up of pressure due to my having a cold/blocked eustachian tube etc. Imagine how much it hurt to have your ear drum gradually tear open until the pressure is released; it takes hours), it turns out that there's nothing wrong with my right ear, but I have a cholesteatoma in my left. Unfortunately, it's my left one that's good at hearing (i.e. the one whose ear drum didn't perforate 6 years ago). Cholesteatoma is a skin growth inside the ear that starts on the ear drum, and can grow and grow until it starts eating through the bone in your ear. So my ossicles could get swallowed up by it, rendering me deaf, or it could eat through my skull and into my brain, killing me - or both, more likely. But if I have the operation to get rid of it (which means cutting out a large section of bone) my hearing will probably go down quite a lot in my only reasonably good ear, rendering me functionally deaf anyway.

I had planned to get the operation done this year, but that was when I thought I had cholesteatoma in both ears, and was determined to do something about it. But that was before the doctor who told me I only had the one (and he did an extremely thorough examination) advised me against it. When I asked him what he would do if it were his own ear, he said the same thing, although as he pointed out, we're different people.

So the upshot is, I will probably go almost deaf at quite an early age either way, which is quite depressing for a singer.

Apparently cholesteatoma's what Oscar Wilde died of.
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