.Where did you have sex the first time ever?
On top of my first girlfriend's bed.
2. Who was it with?
My first girlfriend, Rhona.
3. Did you like them a lot?
Yes. I loved her.
4. Do you now?
I've not seen hide nor hair of her for years and years. I have no idea if she's even alive.
5. Do you like having sex with girls or boys more?
Depends on my mood.
6. Which sex do you find the most attractive?
7. What is your favorite position?
Tricky. I like missionary because I'm lazy, but can come in a lot of different ones. I really like being fucked from behind but can't seem to come that way.
8. Do you talk dirty/like others to talk dirty to you?
Yup. It's great when done well. But excruciatingly embarrassing for all concerned when not.
9. Weirdest place you have ever had sex?
Um...graveyard in the early afternoon? St. Edward's Passage in Cambridge?
10. Weirdest person you have ever had sex with?
That's a good one. Oh yes, I remember. A card-carrying tory who was incredibly ugly and still identified as gay although he'd discovered women and who had lots of photographs on his wall of things like him meeting John Major, and also clippings of letters he'd written to the Spectator which had got published etc. He had several bottles of poppers in his fridge and kept offering ne some like it was a cigarette or a glass of evening whisky or something, and when I refused he would say "Oh d'you mind if I have some, then?" whereupon he would inhale incredibly deeply and start shagging me faster.
I should point out that this was one of the few times in my life when I pulled somebody deliberately to get a bed for the night. I was, quite frankly, prostituting myself. He was quite polite, though - just worryingly strange.
11. Ever had an STD?
Not sure. I keep meaning to get tested for absolutely everything.
12. Form of contraception that makes you happiest?
Condoms that don't break.
13. Do you have fantasies about old men/women?
Hmmm. Not *because* of the age. But some old people are still sexy.
14. Is sex=love true for you or not?
15. Do you like to role play?
16. What really turns you off?
Men talking about football in tribalistic fashion. Stupid people. Toilets. Stubbing my toe. Pizza. Pushy people demanding sex. Head lice. Bad personal hygiene.
17. What really turns you on?
In a situation: risk, challenge, my anger
In a person: intelligence, superior talent, a steady gaze, humour and wit, excessively good social skills, multi-lingual ability (particularly if acquired)
18. Favorite place to have sex?
19. How many sexual partners have you had?
20. How many of them are/were good friends?
Hmmm. about 20?
21. Ever slept with your best friend's sexual partner?
Yes (it's jolly handy to have an official best friend, you know, from the POV of answering this)
24. Ever had phone sex?
25. Ever met someone from the Internet with the express purpose of fucking them?
26. Did you actually end up doing it?
27. Do you own any sex toys?
28. Ever been to a strip club?
29. Or a massage parlour?
30. Have you had sex while you were tied up?
31. Have you had sex while someone else was tied up?
32. Done that 'sex with foods' thing?
Yes. I made the classic "I'm sure I can put on just a wee bit more honey" error.
33. Best song to have sex to?
34. Favorite part of sex?
The bit where people lose it.
35. Do you like flavored or plain condoms?
36. Fish or chicken?
37. What's the best sort of sex?
38. How many pornographic movies have you seen in your entire life?
About 3 or 4?
39. Do you have a favorite?
40. How about a favorite porn star?
41. Have you been into a sex shop before?
42. Did you buy anything?
43. Do they know you by name?
44. Do they know you as "that weird one with the chicken leg fetish"?
45. Does the thought of ones' parents having sex repulse you?
46. Ever get depressed because your dog is getting laid more than you?
No. I've seen my dog mope a bit, though.
47. Do you fantasize about celebrities? Who?
Not very often. I have admired Drew Barrymore and Jonny Lee Miller, though. I tend to fancy the characters rather than the actors though e.g. Sick Boy.
48. Complete the sentence: I want ___ .
good hard fucks to be offered as corporate therapy to everybody at Zenith. We could have little pods to lie down in at lunchtime, like they have for sleeping in in Japan.