Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzz will be the noise of the big drill going into my head when I have my ear operation. I was learning at my pre-admission appointment yesterday that they will be drilling away lots of bone and stuff. From my head. Also they will be drilling close to lots of important stuff so I may wake up feeling, for example, as if the world is spinning unstoppably (damaged balance centre), or they may have severed one (or both or hopefully neither) of two nerves. One of these is to do with taste, and if it's cut I may suffer loss of taste sensation, or things might start tasting metallic (?!!), and the other (wah!) is the facial nerve, which , if severed, will mean I lose all ability to move the right hand side of my face and will therefore become an assymetrical freak who dribbles a lot. Fortunately they will be wiring lots of electodes up to my facial muscles during the operation and connecting them to big alarms that go awuga awuga if the surgeon's getting close to the facial nerve. Gulp.
But they won't know how much stuff they have to remove until they cut me open and drill in, and they want to be pretty sure they've got rid of the cholesteatoma (since it can lead to brain abscesses and all sorts of nasty shit if not completely removed), so they will pretty much sacrifice anything else if they absolutely have to, including ossicles and nerves etc. Gulp.
2 and a half hours have been set aside for my op.
I am told that, if all goes well, I should be able to leave the day after my op, but they might need to keep me in. They will have packed my head full with an antiseptic pack which they will remove several weeks later. I will not be able to swim for a couple of months (note to self: must see about gym membership then).
12 months down the line they will open me up again to see if it's still OK.
Then they'll do the other ear. The one that can hear. Gulp.